Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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