This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
