Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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