New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
