I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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