Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I need moral support for this bender
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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