throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
