My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
