i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
