She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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