I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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