Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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