U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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