im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
