well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
