Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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