you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
