Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
