Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
