ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have tasted many bathrooms
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
