At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
