my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
