i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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