It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's always time for handjobs
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
