She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
