Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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