She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
