If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
