He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
