Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
