Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
