It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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