I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
