Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
