bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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