I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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