just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
