I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
