i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
