Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
