does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
