there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
