He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
