Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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