Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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