Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
