If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Mom said you looked used
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
