you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
