the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
