Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
