I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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