he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
