I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
