Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
