Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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