YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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