In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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